Someone Like You
by ellenlovesellen
Summary: "I know it's hard to find someone like you...But I hope you know it's hard to find someone like me too." Two people who are perfect for each other, but still kept apart. Will they ever get their shot at happiness? MerDer. Co-written with Veronica aka merder32
1. Chapter 1

**Veronica's A/N: Welcome to my and Hel's latest collaboration! We are so excited about this fic, but there is one thing that we want to tell you in advance. Expect updates to be slow. Slower than slow. Awfully slow. It's because both Hel and I have got a lot on our plates right now. Other than that...Read. Enjoy. Love. Review! :)**

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 _ **DISCLAIMER: Veronica & Ellen don't own the show, and that's why in this fic there's a character who's actually dead, in Grey's.  
If they owned the show they'd live in LA, Hel would be painting Ellen Pompeo's nails and she wouldn't know what Veronica would be doing with Patrick Dempsey behind closed doors.**_

* * *

 _ **Someone like you**_

 _ **Prologue**_

 _ **Meredith**_

 _I heard that you're all settled down,  
_ _that you've found a girl and you're married now;  
_ _I've heard that you dreams came true….  
_ _Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you._

Meredith stood at the nurses' station, flipping through the research papers that she had gathered over last night. After hours of research on the computer, Meredith had finally found a way that could be used to treat malignant gliomas. Well, the method that she had found out about had been tested only on animals so far, but she had a feeling that if she and Derek worked together on it, they could surely come up with something.

Derek. As soon as the name crossed Meredith's mind, her heart became heavy with inexplicable emotions. She had not talked to Derek since their breakup, and it hurt her to admit it, but she missed him. She missed Derek, she missed talking to him, and she missed the looks he would send her way when they were in the OR together. She missed him, period.

As if right on cue, Meredith watched the elevator doors slide open from the corner of her eye, and the one person that she could not get her mind off of stepped out of it. Derek. Meredith turned her head crabwise to look at Derek as he stepped out of the elevator. He was wearing one of his blue shirts that brought out the bright blue colour of his eyes, and the brown overcoat that he had on gave him a sexy appearance. Meredith could stand there and stare at him all day, without getting tired.

But, problem was, Derek didn't step out of the elevator alone. There was someone with him – Rose. He and Rose had stepped off the elevator together, holding hands, and the sight of their entwined hands was enough to make the bile rise in Meredith's throat. It was easy to pretend with the whole word that she didn't care about Derek and Rose's whereabouts, to put on a strong facade and pretend she was out of their relationship, but deep, inside her heart… She ached. Her heart ached for him.

Meredith watched as Derek laughed softly at something that Rose said to him, and then he leant forward to place a soft kiss against Rose's lips. Meredith's heart ached as she witnessed the scene – it was so damn painful for her to see Derek kissing another woman. She still remembered all too well how those soft, moist lips felt against her own. Yet, Meredith could not tear her eyes away from them. She needed to see that Derek had moved on in his life – without her. He had promised that he would wait for her, but he hadn't.

Derek and Rose whispered softly to each other, before Rose walked away, leaving behind a smiling Derek. Meredith breathed out loudly, her chest aching at the way Derek was smiling. She loved his smile, she did – but not when another woman was the cause for it. The fact that Derek actually looked happy with Rose was enough to send Meredith running for the hills. A part of Meredith had silently hoped that Derek would be miserable with Rose, and then he would come running back to her, but now, as she watched him so happy with Rose, all her previous hopes deflated like a balloon. She had always believed that they were made for each other. Even with all their problems - her trust and commitment issues and his need to rush everything - she wasn't willing to even consider the thought that they would be happy with another person. Since that night at Joe's, years ago, since she had said _I don't have a story, I'm just a girl in a bar_ , Meredith had belonged to Derek and Derek had been a part of Meredith.

Well, probably not anymore, seeing how smitten he seemed to be with that slutty, horse-faced nurse...

Anyway - there was something strange about the whole situation. At first, she had witnessed him with that terrible girl Sydney Heron character; now, here came this Rose chick. Both women were brunettes, and with ecstatic smiles… Quite the opposite of herself. She was blonde, reserved, and dark and twisty, of course. It was like Derek was trying to lose himself into something completely different. Something new.

 _I don't know if I can keep breathing for you._

Had she hurt him that much? Had she destroyed his ability of loving someone totally and completely?

 _Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life._

But he had hurt her, too. More than he would ever understand. Maybe as much as Thatcher and Ellis did. At first because of Addison. She had felt her heart fall into the ground while he walked across it. Addison was everything she could never be. She was tall, elegant, and magnificent. She was one of the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and she… She was just Meredith Grey. Little, blonde, slutty picking-guys-up-in-bars Meredith Grey.

Yet, he had loved her. At the end, he had chosen her - and then all the rest came along. Thatcher - why most of her problems turned into actual catastrophes when he was around? - and Susan. And Derek had not been able to protect her. He had suffocated her, he and his stupid obsession about suicide…

And here we go. The man she wanted with another girl. An annoying, brunette thing…

How could she actually survive this?

With research. It was the only way. Lose yourself into medicine - the only decent thing Ellis Grey had been able to teach her daughter.

 _Thank you, mommy dearest._

Meredith saw Derek turn his face towards her, and she immediately averted her eyes and focussed them downwards. She didn't need Derek to catch her staring at him and his perfect girlfriend. So, she kept her gaze trained on the papers in her hand, but she could feel Derek coming towards her.

"Hey," his soft, velvety voice caressed her eardrums, making a shiver run down her spine. Meredith looked up from the papers and locked eyes with him, her heart doing a wild flip in her ribcage.

"Hey," she answered just as softly, looking deeply into his cerulean eyes. She wanted to tell him how much she missed him, she wanted to tell him that she couldn't bear to see him with another woman and yet, she held herself back. Instead, she said, "I did a lot of research last night. And...and I think I found a way to save lives." She pushed the stack of papers towards him, eyeing him carefully.

Derek's eyes filled with slight surprise as he flipped a page and looked at it and then looked up at Meredith. Meredith swallowed hard and said, "Derek, this is not about me, this is not about you, this is not about us. This is about saving lives. And believe me, if I had a choice, I'd take these to another neurosurgeon, but you're one of the best neurosurgeons in this country, so you are my only choice. I – I think that if we work together, we _can_ save lives. It's not personal...It's just – you are the best." Meredith finished her ramble, hoping that she had managed to convince Derek.

Derek didn't respond to her, he just looked at her. He looked at her the same way he always looked at her – like she was the only woman in the world, and that made Meredith's heart skip a beat. No matter how happy Derek looked with his new, bright and shiny girlfriend, he still looked at her that way. It was their special look – a look that Derek only reserved for her, and as Meredith found herself staring back into the two pools of midnight blue, she couldn't help but smile inwardly. Her Derek was still hers – he still gave her the McDreamy look that he gave no one else.

Maybe there was hope for her? Maybe, at the end of the story, Dark and Twisty would have their happy ending. Maybe. Maybe there was something she could do… But what? and most of all... _how_?

* * *

 _ **Derek**_

 _Never mind I'll find someone like you  
_ _I wish nothing but the best, for you, too.  
_ _don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said  
_ _sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead…_

Derek Shepherd entered his office at Seattle Grace Hospital and threw the charts he had in his hands across the room. Frustrated, he kicked a chair.  
He had to calm down. This was not working. Again. He felt like he was messing up everything again, right in the moment when things were supposed to slow down. To settle, maybe. And who was responsible, again? The cat-eyed resident he was so much in love with!

 _Meredith Grey will be the death of me_.

He was ready to commit, and to settle down. Ready to focus on a wife, even on kids. And she had shattered his heart in pieces enough for ten decades. That's why he should focus on Rose - funny, calm, sweet, intelligent Rose. Ready-to-settle-down Rose, not a commitment phobic Rose.

 _Sexy, smart, kickass resident Meredith._

Why did his damn mind always have to come back to Meredith? She had said it clearly enough - it was over. She was not ready (probably, she will never be). She had even accused him of not really wanting her, of just wanting the things she wasn't ready to give him. She was anything but good for him, he knew it all too well. He had spent the past year stressing over her issues, until Cristina and Burke's wedding and her practically breaking up with him in front of the church full of guests. And then, there had been the sex, and the mockery and him wishing he could still hold her, and whispered in her hair how much he loved her…

 _It was all over._

She was anything but the girl for him.

He had to go on with his life, as simple as that.

But.

But he loved her. He still loved her with everything he had, with every fiber of his being. He still wanted to build a house with her, to come home and find her in panties and her old, ratty Dartmouth shirt, fixing dinner for the both of them. He wanted to have her children, to read them stories at bedtime and snuggle in bed on Saturdays mornings… He wanted to sleep holding her tight to his chest after making love - she was the only woman he wanted to make love to. He wanted her to be the only woman he would have sex with, the only woman he got to fuck, the only lips he wanted on his neck, on his chest, on his cock were hers. Not Rose's, not anyone's. Just Meredith. It was always Meredith. It always would be Meredith…

That was why he got to worry about her. He had studying her for the past months and had witnessed the changes in her… Her hair was losing color, along with her cheeks. Her slim body, before so strong and healthy, went more fragile and weak each day, and her green, usually bright eyes were dark-circled. It seemed like she hadn't slept in weeks and she didn't seem to be eating well either. It would be an understatement if he said that he was worried about her. It looked like she was running herself ragged, and Derek didn't want that. He didn't want anything to happen to _his_ Meredith, but most of all, he was scared. He was scared that he might be the reason behind it all. He was scared that he might be the reason of her undoing. He couldn't live with that knowledge. He couldn't live with the knowledge that he was the reason why Meredith Grey was coming apart at the seams. He would never be able to forgive himself if that ever happened. And so, he made up his mind. He needed to talk to Meredith soon. He needed to talk to her and ask her if she was eating well, sleeping well, and taking care of herself. Maybe he didn't have the right to ask her all that because he was not her boyfriend anymore, but he was still her attending. He could at least ask her about her well-being as her superior – as her mentor and her friend.

Friend. Derek wanted to laugh at that. He knew it was impossible for him and Meredith to be friends. He remembered the last time he and Meredith had tried to be friends – they had ended up making love to each other in an empty exam room. He knew that he and Meredith Grey could never be just friends – they always had had too much spark and passion between them to be friends. But, nonetheless, he had to ask her. Because no matter who he was dating, his heart still beat for only one woman – Meredith Grey.

 **Ellen's A/N: So here we are… we kept this hidden for a veeeery long time but now we think it's ready to test the waters… We're enjoying writing together soooo very much so you might be OVERWHELMED by our stuff.**

 **So, grab something to drink and join us on this trip back to season 4 (how it should have been done in the first place!)!**

 **Don't forget to review or very bad things will happen to you -**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello.  
It's been forever.  
I'm just Ellen and since Veronica is extremely busy with RL, right now, we decide that I'll try to go on with this story alone, instead of leaving it there, unfinished. I hope it's ok with you. I'll try to do my best with this story. I just hope Veronica can join me back as soon as possible! **

* * *

_**Chapter one**_

 _You know how the time flies  
Only yesterday was the time of our lives  
We were born and raised  
In a summer haze  
Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

The last time Meredith Grey had slept through an entire night has been two weeks before.  
The last time she had eaten a full mean, it has been around the same time.

Anyway, that morning she needed to go to Derek's office: they had scheduled their first meeting to discuss the trial a few days ago, and since she walked the distance between the nurses desk and his office without bumping into Rose, Meredith started to think that it was going to be a good day. She had almost forgot what a good day was.

She knocked at the door and when she heard his voice saying "Come in!" she pushed the door open.

"Good morning," she mumbled, walking to his desk and offering him one of the two coffees she was carrying.

"Thanks," he grinned, grabbing the coffee and immediately taking a sip. She studied his face: he looked good, a light shadow of a beard on his cheeks, and even if he didn't looked exactly relaxed, he was as handsome as ever.

Meredith couldn't help but wonder if he had spent the night with Rose, curling up together on the bed in the trailer to watch movies like he did with her. She asked herself if once in a while he kissed Rose's neck like he used to kiss hers.

She felt her stomach contracting with pain. Her head was swirling and she felt nauseous as well. "I think I need to-" she reached out for a chair and suddenly, everything went black.

* * *

Derek sat on the side of a bed, his head in his hands.

Being the Head of Neurosurgery sometimes was useful: Meredith was in a private room, no one can come in, and Derek was with her, waiting for dr. Bailey with the blood test's results.

What the hell had happened? He sighed, and gently took one of her hands.

"Hey," she chocked.

"Hey," Derek smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. What happened?"

Before Derek could answer, Miranda Bailey knocked and let herself in the room.

"Shepherd," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Back to sniff my intern?"

"What's going on?" Derek asked, ignoring the comment that in another situation he would have found funny.

"Meredith, when was the last time you ate?" Miranda asked Meredith.

"Breakfast, yesterday," she replied. "I had breakfast with Cristina. Then, there was probably a lunch but I don't remember for sure."

"Are you sleeping?"

"Yes. I mean, I wake up sometimes but-"

"Meredith, you basically passed out because your body is exhausted. You need sleep and food on a regular basis, and your body isn't getting any. Do you understand? You don't run yourself to the ground because the man you want chose another woman, do you understand? If you want, I can even say it in French and probably in Spanish."

"But-"

"No buts. Now go home, eat a whole pizza and please, sleep."

She left the room without looking at Derek. Probably it was for the best: a few years before, she would have told him to leave the room as well, but Derek really needed to talk to Meredith.

"Mer…"

"Bailey doesn't know what she's talking about," Meredith mumbled.

"Meredith." Derek sighed and moved from the chair to the bed. He sat down at the end of the bed, his hand going to one of her ankles. "I know things have been terrible between us, lately, but…" he sighed again. He couldn't remember a moment more difficult than this one. "I know that-"

"You know you have chosen another woman instead of me again?"

"This is not the point, okay? Here, get up a little, you'll feel better."

Derek got closer, helping her to sit up. She leaned back against the pillow, closing her eyes. Derek took of her hands in his.

"Meredith… I don't want you to treat yourself so badly. Okay? You can't. I care about you too much to see you like this. Like I said, things between us can be shitty right now but I'll always be here for you."

"You're dating another woman," Meredith stated. "And I know it's because I told you I didn't want your perfect house with the perfect porch and the perfect kids, but _you are dating another woman_."

"I know," Derek nodded. "But we broke up two months ago, do you really think my feelings have changed so quickly?"

"That doesn't change anything."

"It doesn't, but it means I don't want you sleepless and foodless. I don't want you to pass out another time, because I care about you and because we have a trial to work on."

He looked at her, his eyes searching for hers. Blue met green and despite everything, he smiled slightly. "Everything is gonna be all right," he whispered, and he tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

Derek didn't know how, but after a moment he found Meredith's lips on his. She was holding his face in her hands and she was kissing him like she always had, in between sweetly and passionately. Derek had missed her kisses, and before his brain was processing what was happening, his lips were responding to the kiss. His hand found her small hip and grabbed it, and Meredith moaned in his arms.

Suddenly, as quickly as it started, the kiss ended.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," Meredith said, panic in her eyes. "You are dating another woman and I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong."

"Mer…" Derek sighed, his fingers moving in his hair. "I kissed you back."

"I shouldn't have anyway."

"This is a crappy situation."

"Can I… Can I be alone? I know we probably need to talk but I really need to collect my thoughts before we do so."

"Yes, I'll go." Derek stood up and asked: "Do you want me to get Cristina for you?"

Meredith shook her head. Then, she said: "I want Alex. Please? And… maybe with a cheeseburger."

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 **Please, review: I need help because this is gonna be difficult ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter two  
**_  
 _I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it  
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
That for me, it isn't over_

"Mer, the next time someone walks into my OR to tell me you passed out while trying to kill yourself over Derek fucking Shepherd, just wish you'll die or I'll kill you with my bare hands. Did I make myself clear?"

Alex sat down on the couch next to Meredith and gave her a bowl full of chips. He had brought her home from the hospital, send her to change in her pjs and feed her a big, juicy cheeseburger.

"Do you want to watch _Sex & The City_?"

"You must feel really bad for me," Meredith smiled, "Offering to watch _Sex & The City_."

"I do," he nodded. "I don't like what happened today. I don't like how you two are managing this stuff, okay? I care about you and you're killing yourself."

"I'm not killing myself-" Meredith tried to argue, but Alex didn't give her the chance: "Mer, I know what are you feeling, okay? You love him and he fucked everything up. But this is not the right way to make things better."

"I don't know what to do but _I do want_ to do something. This is why I told Derek to call you. Izzie would have gone crazy, George would have been useless and Cristina... well, we know Cris. You, on the other hand, are like me."

"I know," Alex nodded. "And I'll help you, Grey."

Meredith quickly filled Alex in on what happened between them at the hospital. "He said he still cares about me, that his feelings haven't changed."

"Have you changed your mind about the house and the marriage?" Alex asked, going straight to the point.

Meredith shook her head: "No, I'm still scared. But I want him to make me feel brave, ok? And this isn't gonna happen when he fucks another slut."

"Makes sense," Alex nodded, stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth. "Why don't you just talk to him? Ask him to dump the bitch and give it a try again."

"Because... because I want him to feel attracted to me again. I want him to desire it too."

"Ok, so tomorrow you go in with a dress on. Show off some legs, put perfume on and when you do your trial stuff shake your hair, make him smell your scent."

Meredith frowned: "I'm not Addison."

"You can be sexier. You make him all hot and bothered, tell the bitch to fuck off and when he's enamored all over again you kidnap him for two days and you talk out every issue you two had had."

Meredith looked puzzled at her best friend. "It can work," she nodded. "But do you really thing we can fix everything just talking?"

"Yeah, Mer," and he got up to grab the first _Sex & The City_ DVD. "Because you two don't talk. You fuck, you mess around, you scream and fight but I can't recall you two having an honest, heart-to-heart, adult conversation."

Meredith stayed quietly for a while, thinking about what Alex had just said.

He was right. He was oh so right she just wanted to call Derek and beg him to start over. He has pushed her, lied to her, picked another woman instead of her but she had ran and acted like a child, constantly shutting him out and pushing him away.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Alex?" she asked with a smile.

Alex laughed and threw an arm on Meredith's shoulders. He kissed her head and told her: "Don't worry, ok? Everything's gonna be all right. Now watch the show, I'll order you a pizza in a hour."

* * *

The following morning Derek Shepherd was expecting everything except Meredith Grey back at work so soon.

He was at his desk with every intention of reading Meredith's notes about the trial but practically reaching for his phone every thirty seconds, wondering if he was allowed to check on her.

When someone knocked at the door and he called "Come in!" his jaw dropped.

"Hello, Derek," Meredith smiled sweetly, walking in. She was wearing a semi formal, knee-length blue dress with a pair of flat boots, her hair a cloud of gold around her face, her face make-up free except for her lips, colored in dark brown. She had never looked sexier, not even the night they had met.

"Me-Meredith," he stammered. "You're back!"

"Technically, no," she smiled. "I just stopped by to see you. Can I come in?"

"Of course," he nodded, looking appreciatively at the sway of her hips as she walked.

At first, she looked like she was going to sit on the edge of his desk but she changed her mind and sat down gracefully on the couch. Derek had never see her moving in such an elegant way.

"I wanted to thank you, for yesterday," Meredith nodded.

"You're welcome," Derek grinned. "I'm happy you look so good."

Meredith leaned in the desk, resting her chin on his hand: "Do I look good?"

Wait, was she flirting?

"Well, you look like you've eaten. And you look well rested, too."

"I am," she nodded, but she looked somehow disappointed. "Did you take a look at my notes?"

"Yes. I was doing that when you came in."

She stood up and walked around the desk, looking at her own notes from behind his shoulder. "Where were you?" she asked and whichever thought about medicine disappeared from his head. Even the words tumor and neurosurgery suddenly had no meaning, there was just her perfume. The lavender of her hair, the familiar scent of her skin. Images of her naked and warm in his bed filled his head. He couldn't have her so close without touching her. His hands trembled and he just wanted her skin under his palms.

"Mer..." he murmured.

"Did you have trouble understanding my handwriting?" she asked, her voice soft against his eardrum.

"Meredith," he said again, raising his head to meet her emerald eyes. He raised one hand, wanting nothing more than touch her hair.

"Derek," Meredith murmured, practically a purr.

He wanted to kiss her. He hated lipsticks, he despised when Addison put them on and he had to kiss her with that mess on the lips, but with Meredith, in that moment, it was different: the lipstick made, if possible, her lips look sexier. He forgot about everything: not his relationship, not their issues, nothing mattered. He just needed to feel her close again. In that moment, he couldn't even remember why they had broke up. But when he tried to pull her head to his, she resisted.

She checked her wristwatch: "Do you have any surgery?"

"Not until 2 PM," he replied absently, incapable of tearing his gaze from her lips.

"Do you want to go talk about this at the coffee shop across the street? Do you remember, the one we went to for our first date?"

"Yes," he smiled. He stood up and grabbed her notes and his jacket.

"All done?" she asked, gently touching his arm.

They walked quietly to the elevator, and Derek was sure she was recalling their first kiss exactly like he was doing. He was almost tempted to say something when the elevator's doors opened in front of them and Rose stepped out.

"Oh," she gasped and scanning Meredith from head to toe she raised an eyebrow: "Where the hell are you two going?"

"To have a coffee and discuss our trial," Derek replied. He knew he should feel guilty but he couldn't: Meredith was something else, and feeling something for her was natural, was who he was. Even if he was dating Rose he couldn't help but wanting Meredith.

"Do you need to go to the coffee shop to discuss a medical trial?" she pressed, her eyebrow still high.

Derek opened his mouth to reply but Meredith was quicker.

"We don't need an excuse to spend time together, and we sure as hell don't need your authorization."

Derek couldn't believe his ears.


End file.
